Welcome To Together UP!

Curated insights shared with you to lead, build better teams, and do the little things that make a huge impact on performance.

I am a leadership and team development coach who believes that teams outlast and outperform when built from the bottom up.

I WOULD BE GRATEFUL IF YOU SHARED TOGETHER UP! WITH THOSE YOU THINK WILL ENJOY IT!

The goal is to inspire. No matter what team you’re on and we use “Teammate” interchangeably between athletics and corporations.

As they should.

The One-In-A-Million Ball Bounce

Mitch Henderson, the current Head Coach of the Princeton Men’s Basketball team, and Princeton Men’s Basketball alum, has bounced an estimated 1,465,312* balls in his life, yet for many people, one single ball-bounce during an incredible moment, stood out from all of the rest, and evoked a more common reaction from people than any other.

Why it stood out tells us a lot about human nature.

It portrays the fact that people are quicker to point out a slip-up than we are to what led the person to even being able to be in that position.

It also tells a story about how we can be better together, vs apart.

^{*Estimate based on proprietary methods and may be off by 8-22 bounces.}

Mitch Henderson Player/Coach/Leader/Friend

Coach Henderson and his Princeton team took the NCAA tourney the country by storm this past March, as the Ivy League team made it to the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament. A rare feat, and arguably unexpected by everyone but Princeton Tigers.

Mitch Henderson

• 12 Varsity Letters in Basketball, Baseball, and Football at Culver Military Academy in Culver Indiana

• 4 Year Starting Guard in Men’s Basketball at Princeton

• Captain of the 1997-1998 Men’s Basketball Team that went 27-2, 14-0 in Ivy League, and was ranked in the top 10 nationally.

• Head Coach, Princeton Men’s Basketball 2011 to Current
  
  And
  

• 1994 DRAFT PICK OF THE NY YANKEES

Yes, you know him for his hoops, being the face of the incredible “David vs Goliath” victory over reining champ UCLA in the 1996 NCAA tourney, but also drafted by the New York Yankees?

Not too shabby for a collegiate league that all-too-often has the athleticism of its athletes discounted only because of their brains.

Mitch is also a fellow member of the GREAT Class of 1998 and a friend.

I developed genuine respect and admiration for him and what goes into his job at Princeton during the time we spent together as members of the 2011 committee to hire the then, next Ford Family Director of Athletics at Princeton, he as a coach and alum, myself as one of three Princeton alums.

A true honor for both of us.

People call both, the AD at your alma mater, and Head Coach at your alma mater “great gigs.”

I can assure you it may be great, but “gigs” they are not. It is hard work.

The Moment

Mitch has enjoyed enormous success. None better than this past year.

You’d have to be hiding under a rock to not know that Princeton was doing well in the NCAA tourney, and the media did their part in celebrating the greatness that we were all witnessing.

In doing so, Mitch was propelled to the top of all media outlets. Everyone wanted a piece.

He handled it with MASTERY.

Tying in all of Mitch’s success as a coach, the team’s national stage, and circling back to his baseball history as a draftee of the NY Yankees, Mitch was given the honor by the NY Yankees to throw out the first pitch at Yankee, Freakin’ Stadium.

Knowing Mitch the way I do, which is enough to know this…Mitch Henderson prepared for this.

In advance of his engagement on the most hallowed ground in professional baseball, he worked with Scott Bradley, the Head Baseball Coach at Princeton.

He pitched 100s of balls, never bouncing a ball in the dirt. Not once.

On Wed May 24, Mitch Henderson threw out the first pitch at Yankee…Freakin’ Stadium…

And. He. Bounced. It. In. The. Dirt.

Why This Matters

Mitch and I share many common views, and we have bonded through many avenues.

• Mutual Athletic respect (at least I think it’s mutual??)

• Hours and hours of very late work, deep in some random computer lab on campus trying to finish our Senior Theses during senior spring. *A 90+ page Princeton University requirement, 32oz Mountain Dew’s in hand to keep us awake!

• A point guard/quarterback approach to our sport.

• Weeks and weeks of important work in the Athletic Director Search

• And now a common appreciation for the nuances that teams and leaders need to be great.

I connected with Mitch in a clandestine coffee shop in NJ this past week. Scheduled for an hour or so, we talked for 2 ½ hrs, and we could have stayed there all day.

Each new topic spawned new ideas and new energy.

All substance, no fluff.

I find I try and hold myself to a higher standard when I’m with him. A sign of true respect.

We (Mitch and I and fellow 1998’ers) had just celebrated our 25th reunion at Princeton this past Memorial Day Weekend.

Within the context of our conversation, I asked Mitch about his Reunions experience.

I figured he’d probably be pulled in SO many directions and possibly look back on it saying he wish he would have been able to just enjoy it.

Turns out he had an awesome experience and loved just being able to be an alum.

But he said something that stood out and I knew immediately what I’d be sharing with you this week in Together UP!

He shared that one of the things he noticed, was how many people came up to him and either led with or only talked about the bounced pitch. 

Even just mentioning it with a, “You bounced it huh?” and having that be all they said.

Mitch has earned the ability to be convicted in how he runs his program. His track record as a player and coach allows for a degree of benefit of the doubt that he’s going about things the right way.

So I say with my own confidence that this did not come from sour grapes or a shocked ego.

More importantly, his comment fit appropriately in our larger conversation. It was an observation within the context of what we were discussing - the needs of leaders, teams, and how we interact with individuals on those teams.

It was as if to say
“After all we just did as a team, and what we all enjoyed during the March run, the one thing impulse people had was to poke me on the fact that I bounced the ball while standing on the mound at Yankee Stadium.”

Why Do We Do This?

Why is it that we are so quick to point out the negatives?

Strengths-Based coaching focuses on what people do really well - innately, vs trying to fix their weaknesses.

Don Clifton, the American Psychologist, Researcher, Author, and Entrepreneur said: “What would happen if we studied what was right with people, versus what is wrong with people?”

Don Clifton is the developer of the strengths assessment tool the CliftonStrengths used by me and other fellow Gallup Certified Strengths Coaches to identify people’s natural talents. Ie their naturally recurring feelings of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied.

Why do we want to cut people down instead of focus on what they do great?

Negativity Bias is the human brain’s natural tendency to give weight to (and remember) negative experiences or interactions more than positive ones—they stand out more. “Our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff”

It can explain scientifically why people’s first inclination would be to focus on the negative, as it has a higher weight on the mental scale.

As a result of the hard-wiring of the brain, we need to be intentional in pointing out what makes people great to motivate them even further.

We need to work at it! We need to practice it!

This 3 Mins and 10 Seconds clip synthesizes all of this beautifully.

You empower people through successful outcomes - if even so simple as getting an answer correctly or doing their job correctly.

They will yearn for the correct outcome.

Yearn to get even higher results.

Yearn to hear positive feedback more often, versus avoiding the negative.

In our every day, someone less resilient than Mitch Henderson, and perhaps in a less visible role may come away feeling, “Well if even after all of the success I had recently if the only thing that is focused on is the thing I did poorly, then is it even worth it to achieve in the first place?”

Have you ever felt that? I’d guess the answer is yes.

• You were budgeted for a 20% increase in production, you achieved 25% growth, but you lost ground or were even with a key client. That is all you hear.

• You normally have 2 goals a game, you had 4 goals, but you had 4 turnovers, and you only hear about the turnovers.

• You beat a team you haven’t beaten in 3 years, but hear only that they did not have their best player.

• You have spent years and years developing talent, and training employees to be successful, but one underperforms and all you hear about is the underperformer.

Try and recognize people for what they do well to drive them even higher.

Visualize A Vertical Plane vs A Horizontal Plane

Using Coach Henderson’s example, the person pointing out the bounced pitch only creates a wider space between the two of them.

Visualize this on a horizontal plane, with two people divided on that plane. (If you have to, visualize 6 ft socially distanced, just to evoke the bad memories of people divided!)

Perhaps the people referencing the pitch to Mitch thought they’d be bringing them closer together. A chuckle. A haha. A little needling in the ribs. But in fact, subconsciously, the impulse was to bring him closer, by pulling him down.

Visualize a vertical plane. A person of authority, higher stature, or having recent success.

Would you argue that pulling the person down by pointing out their shortcoming brings you closer together or further apart?

Helping someone feel seen closes the gap on the horizontal plane - it pulls you together. They see you, you feel seen by them and the result is it propels you both higher. Together.

Creating space knocks both parties down by making the unit & unity weaker.

So I don’t know about you, but my view?

Well… you know it. It’s Together, UP!

Thank You, Mitch, for allowing me to use your story as an avenue to inspire us and elevate those around us to better Together!

WHERE TO FROM HERE?

Three Things You Can Do Start Doing Now To Put These Ideas To Work

1. Create a Speedbump (so to speak) in your reaction. In positive psychology, they say:
   
   “Between stimulus and response is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
   
   My wife loves that one and so do I.
   
   Slow it down - hit the speedbump and say to yourself - I’m about to call this person out for a mistake. Is my response going to push us further apart or bring us closer together? Choose a response that brings you together and pulls you both up
   

2.  Pro-Actively acknowledge being correct or hitting an expected goal.
   
   Coaching an athletic team? Tell a player:
   “Hey you’re catching the ball perfectly I love it”
   - Or -
   “Your dribbling is so sound, I wouldn’t change a thing”
   
   Versus only looking for what they are doing wrong or what mistakes they’re making
   
   Leading in a corporate setting? Tell a member of your team:
   “Hey I can always count on you to deliver on time”
   - OR -
   “We asked you to be up 20% and you hit that. Thank You”
   - OR -
   “Your ideas (replace ideas with designs, or input, or whatever metric you use) are not always the flashiest, but they always work”
   

3. Acknowledge a family member for doing something that they were supposed to do. This compounds into the rest of your life.
   
   Candidly, even as much as I talk about all of this stuff, this is an area I know I have to work on. 
   
   Tell a kid you appreciate them getting their paper in on time.
   Tell your spouse you appreciate that they always take the garbage out (then ask everyone why the kids aren’t doing it!!!)
   Tell your spouse you appreciate that they hop on the train and go to work everyday.
   Tell your spouse you appreciate that they drive the kids all around.
   
   Versus
   
   Only asking why something is late.
   Only asking why they couldn’t be at something.
   Only asking why they forgot to pick up Billy from his practice.
   (It’s probably because someone was taking out the garbage after getting home on the train and having to drive the kids all around, while making sure their paper was handed in on time!!!)

   
   Bring whoever it is that is on your team closer by pointing out what they do right.
   Not just celebrating what they did wrong.
   

3.B
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